Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
