I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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