You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
