At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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