i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
