so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
