Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
