Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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