Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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