She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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