my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
