I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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