I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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