i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
