My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Randomize
