that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This is my gift to your gina
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
