I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
did i walk over a car last night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
