I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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