apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
