I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
