seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
