Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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