Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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