I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You are the jesus of drinking
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
