either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
