I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
