Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
