she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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