Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
