The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
