I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
