Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
