is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
