the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
