oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
