there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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