Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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