Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
