i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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