Already got asked if we're dating
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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