well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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