like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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