Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She's the barista slut.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
