i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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