the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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