i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
