I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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