just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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