i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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