At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
