Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize