Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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