I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
