oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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