either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
