I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
