careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
