you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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