I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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