i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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