I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
40s are totally the cure
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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