I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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