My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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