so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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