I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
