If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My balls are so social today.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
