Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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