so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
