Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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