so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
