i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
