AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
