in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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