he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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