first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
