you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
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