he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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