that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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